智洪《心要法门》第六章：生命是总体的存在 - 心得报告

‘生命是总体的存在’. 

This morning, while on my way sending my sons to school, I came to the first cross section of the day. I saw an old man pushing his tricycle slowly up the slight slope towards the junction. Following closely behind was a dog. I wonder whether it was his dog which was tailing him or was it just a stray dog hoping for its better luck this morning (of being fed).

Then, I read today’s chapter together with the text audio in the background for the first time at around 7 o’clock. There, I chanced upon a paragraph with the same scenario like above. Relating it back to the topic of the day “生命是总体的存在”, my mind wandered about for a while ~ soul searching for today’s report.

Looking at the dog this morning reminds me of my dog at my parents’ home. Every time I go back, I will spare time playing with it. Until such a time that my wife reminded me not to spend ‘too much’ time with it. Yes, she was right. Every time I went home those days, I spent more time with my dog than with my parents. I didn’t realised that until she reminded me. I felt so guilty. 

I have begun to spare more time with my parents since my wife’s reminder. When I am free, I will drive back home or in some other days, I will arrange my clients’ appointments later in the morning so that I can have breakfast with them whenever I go back to meet my home town clients. I have had more conversations with them these days. Not only that, they are now longer conversations. During those days when we stayed together, even though we see each other every day, we only had brief encounters and short conversations. 

Deep inside my heart, I miss many things… my home town, my parents, my dog… everything. We moved out of my home town to rebuild my life. But, have I really dealt with all the circumstances rightfully? 

I had attended an emotional control workshop last week at Hoeh Beng Temple. I learned the existence of the ‘Inner Child’. I have heard of this ‘Inner Child’ before but not to the whole context as explained by the teacher of the workshop. I discovered that I have many ‘Inner Child’s in me. These children have brought me many troubles and if I do not handle them properly, I will continue to have more troubles with them in the future. 

I also discovered the ‘My, Me, Mine’ is too strong for my own good. I have trouble ‘Letting Go and Moving On’. I still live in the ghost of my past. Knowing all these problems is one thing. To do something to overcome it is another.

I am still searching for the right combination to address these problems. In English, the saying is “May I find light at the end of the tunnel.” but if permits, I would like to find the light of my heart.

[How can we help ourselves? How can we help people around us? 

Keep correct situation, correct relationship, and correct function. When you are a son, do the son’s job; when you are a husband, play the husband role; and when you are a father, carry the father’s work.]