‘欣赏生命 ’& ‘ 看清自己，活在当下’.
When I first joined 行愿茶会 one and half years ago, I noticed a lady in our group. I started applying my standard onto her. I didn’t agree with her parenting style to her children who were ‘let loose’ at the temple. To me, they caused disturbances to us during our classes. During our pilgrimage to Mount Emei, she was so adventurous that she detoured from the main group on occasions. I still remembered I voiced out my displeasure to Master on one occasion. To me again, she might have caused discomfort to other pilgrims if something bad happened to her during her detours. I had committed a sin here.
Now, I see her differently. Yes, she may be different in terms of style and appearance but I respect her more these days. Her way of bringing up her children may be different but she has her own way. Her children, to me nowadays, behave well. As for their ‘roaming’ and ‘sliding around’ during classes, they are they; being children. If I can put ‘I, my, me’ away, they are alright. They don’t cause any discomfort to me anymore these days.
From her, I learned how to look inwards into myself. Those ‘standard’ applications on others must stop. The ‘I, My, Me’ should also be gone in my daily life. Only through that, we can lead a happier life.
[Chee Hung, WELL DONE! We have witnessed your significant improvement along this journey, and we are glad that you are in this learning group, you gave us a lot of real life teaching. Thank you so much. Lastly, congratulation, you had completed your report, and you had pulled yourself through in this learning.]
‘不要以为自己懂’.
This last 清明节, I was initially quite reluctant to go sweeping the tombs of my grandparents. I was reluctant to meet up with my uncle and aunt. I had failed them three years ago and have not fulfilled my personal promise to them. I was worried of any repercussion from them. Frankly speaking, I was embarrassed to meet up with them.
As the day arrived, I just pulled my resources together and didn’t give any further thought to the day. I just went. I met up with my uncle and aunt and greeted them as usual. And to my great relief, they greeted me back as usual as those years before. They were just as warm as usual. It was totally my 意识形态 that was feeding me all those negative vibes.
I have to remind myself of not to be pulled around by those意识形态 and just do it.
[Now you have tasted the fruit of letting go意识形态, and yes, it is that simple. Keep up, tell yourself everyday, let go the thinking mind, and JUST DO IT!]
‘善用其心’.
Last Tuesday, I sent my mother to visit a TCM practitioner in Ampang to diagnose her back and knee problems. We had quite a good and calm conversation throughout the journey to and from the TCM outlet. Maybe it was due to my constant reminder of not responding to any happenings.
This Tuesday, I sent her to the Ampang centre again for the follow-up treatment. As the week before, I started the conversation by updating her on my recent activities. On an issue, she reminded me to set a lower target and all of a sudden, I snapped. I retorted by saying that she shouldn’t have said such a thing. She should have said something positive to uplift my spirit. Those sentences really hurt her. Then I heard her saying that she is not the type who knows how to always put nice words for sentences. She continued by saying that she had just been ticked off by my father recently for the same reason. After that, there was total silence until we reached the Ampang TCM centre.
As the centre was not opened yet, we went for our breakfast. On the journey back, we didn’t touch on my personal matters anymore. Our conversation focused only on my sons. She complained of my elder son’s attitude towards her and passed some adverse remarks. I felt that the remarks were not solely meant for my son but also me. This time around, I didn’t respond.
At night, I relayed the happenings to Pui Choo. She pointed out to me that I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did this afternoon for my mother’s remarks. She may mean good to me ~ trying to take some weight off my chest. I responded the way I did strictly due to my 意识形态 of what I thought would be her intention. Why should I think of her from that adverse angle? Why can’t I善用其心?
[This is your homework, from now on, only one big question is your mind, as yourself again and again, why can’t I善用其心? One day, it will “Boom”, and your mind will be as clear as the sky! ]
‘感受生命存在的本质’.
It is not easy to put contradicting views into a united front. The statement is already contradictory. In the past, I used to object, not all but majority of the ruling government’s policies which I felt were unfair, especially to us, Chinese. I started to object just for sake of objecting. That was not right.
Recently, I accepted the rules of the game. In a democratic country like ours, the government is elected by the people. (I don’t want to discuss of a possibility of a rigged elections here.) The losers have to bear with the government of the day for the 5-year period. We may voice our dissatisfactions of certain policies here but to overthrow a government by ways other than general elections is not proper. If this can be done by one party, the other can do the same and the country will be in chaos.
From my personal aspect, the contradiction often results in me having prejudice against other people. The other person may or may not have done something ‘wrong’ in the past but that doesn’t mean that the ‘wrong’ will continue in the future. Moreover, the ‘wrong’ may only be ‘wrong’ in my eyes but may not in others. It may just be some disparity in standard set by me.
Like the daily chores of folding clothes. My sons used to fold the clothes using their convenient style and that style needed re-works. I used to remind them to separate clothes accordingly and that may require slightly more time at the initial stage so as to eliminate the ‘re-works’. Pui Choo used to tell me that it was neither right nor wrong in both styles. It was just a different style of doing works.
After a while of refraining myself from ‘nagging’ the boys, I noticed that there is improvement in their works. Improvement in bridging the gap between my standard and their style.
[You are well aware of your “prejudice” mind, and you are encountering it from time to time. Your first job now is to let go this “prejudice” mind, daily Zen practice such as sitting, bowing and chanting are very effective on treating this.]
‘放下吧！进来’.
I had an appointment with a friend on Monday to discuss the possibility of taking up his company accounts. Little did I know that he arranged for his friends to meet up with me. They were two Bangladeshi brothers. One is a medical doctor with a Permanent Resident status through the MM2H programme while the other brother is on Spouse Dependent visa. They wanted to incorporate a Sdn Bhd here so that they can open a mini market to sell imported goods from Bangladesh to their countrymen.
The moment I saw them, my 意识形态 emerged. I noticed that my prejudice against them is still very strong. I thought that I have improved on this aspect since I started practicing.
Of course I didn’t show it on my face. I told them that I don’t practise as a company secretary but I can explain the procedure in setting up a company to them. They were not good listeners. They told me that they only want one-stop centre. They explained that they had engaged another company secretary to do that for them and the secretary failed to open a bank account for them. As a result, they were unhappy with the company secretary. I told them that company secretary can incorporate a company for them and prepare a resolution for them to open a bank account but they still need an account introducer to do so. It was not a company secretary’s professional duty to find an introducer to them but of course I didn’t know what the secretary had promised them. I explained that to them but they didn’t accept my explanation.
Anyway, I told them I would ask my associate whether she can help to incorporate a company for them and would revert to them the following day.
On Tuesday, the medical doctor texted me through WhatsApp asking for the status. I asked my associate and she told me that she was reluctant to accept unknown foreigners as new clients as the risks are quite high. So, I replied the Bangladeshi in negative and that was the last encounter I had with him. He didn’t even reply anything in return but this is expected through my experience with them. To call this意识形态 again, I really don’t know but they have been affirming my prejudice against them.
I need to learn to put all these down again.
[Don’t rush, and there is no need to mad on it. It’s very normal because 意识形态has been imprinted in our subconscious for thousands of life. It’s good that you are aware of this, this is clear mind. Remind yourself to let go every time it arises, one day it will leave you and never come back.]
‘只有那么一件事情’.
This chapter taught me a lot in viewing things or events. I tend to see things through my lenses mixed by my previous experiences.
The recent happening involves my mom and two kids. There is one club in my hometown where I am a member. This club gives away awards for academic excellence for students every year and both my sons passed the criteria for those monetary awards. To apply for that, applicants need to submit application forms coupled with certified true copies of the academic results. My younger boy had his results slips certified some time ago but the elder brother had not done his part until yesterday. My 意识形态 started when I asked the elder boy to get his results certified. From previous experience, I know that he didn’t like to do this kind of tasks and given a choice, he wouldn’t do it. So, he delayed. At first we wanted to let him be and be responsible for the delay. Let the younger brother gets his awards and this elder boy misses his. But on second thought, we just couldn’t let him shy away from tasks. He is approaching 18 years old and he should work if he also wants to have his awards. He wants his awards but doesn’t want to get his results certified. So, this time around, we, or rather, Pui Choo forced him to get his results slip certified.
My mother on the part was very anxious to get hold of the documents until she called us a few times wanting to travel all the way from my hometown to my house just to collect the documents. To be fair to her, the deadline for submission is this Sunday. I was irritated at that time when I spoke to her over the phone yesterday afternoon. I put down my work and drove back to send the documents to her. I didn’t notice that my younger son had forgotten to hand over the complete set of documents to me the day before. That had compounded my irritation. I left my mom’s house after setting my foot there for a couple of minutes only. She even wanted to follow me back to my home to collect the remaining document which was still kept by my younger son. I assured her that I will be sending to her soon.
Later in the evening yesterday, she called up my elder son informing him that she will be driving down to our place early in the morning to collect the document. My son stopped her from doing so as we didn’t want the elder lady to drive alone for such a distance just to collect a piece of paper. I was very upset upon hearing that later from my elder son.
Upon reflection, I noticed that from the small happenings above, they are really small happenings that don’t warrant any negative feelings at all. First, my意识形态of my elder son. I reprimanded him a few times over the above incident. Yes, I may reprimand him but the whole thing started even before he delays the task. That was because I had judged him based on his past experience. I should have ‘refreshed’ my memory every now and then (just like computers) to clear off old unpleasant memories. He should be allowed to perform his tasks and I should guide him from moment to moment.
As for my anxious mother, knowing that the unfinished task will trouble her, I should have sent those documents to her earlier. I was upset with her as I don’t like being pushed to do things but I have not done myself or her any justice. Things like these must change.
[Good, very good, you know what should be changed, and what should be done. Remind yourself from time to time, let go your ‘I, My, Me’, and just reflect. looking forward to seeing your change.]
‘不要轻易断言’.
What are 心, 根, 识 and智?
To differentiate is to discriminate. Recently, there was an incident involving an Astro installer who was supposed to install a new PVR at my mother’s house. The installer tried to cheat his way out of a failed appointment and I was not in a mood to let him go scot free. As a result of my reprimand to him, he burst into anger.
After the incident above, I asked myself whether my reaction would be different if the installer happened to be my client. Sad to say that the answer is a YES. That is discrimination.
Am I telling myself that I do practise double standards? To the person that I give money to and to the person that I receive money from? I really need to change that!
I was also troubled by certain elements in the first few weeks of November. I started to doubt the Buddha’s teachings. When I faced with certain issues, in the normal days before those doubtful weeks, I would have thought of Master’s teachings and followed through. When I was in doubt, my wife would also guide me through. But in the first few weeks of November, whenever I tried to put a solution to the issue faced, I would add another question to the solution. The question was “Is it like this?” I started to doubt the so-called solutions based on the teachings. Even when my wife asked me to ask Master if I had doubts, I said to her that Master would definitely answer “this, this and that”. But, to me, was that the right solution?
The reason behind my doubtful mind at that time was my perception towards some ‘senior practitioners’ that I knew and seen. In my heart, I expect them to be noble in their ways of life and in other words, they should have a ‘bright ring’ above their heads. They should do what they preach.
This wrong thinking was rectified during the 行愿茶会 on the 19.11.2015 itself. Master said it is wrong to apply Buddha’s standard on other beings as there is only one Buddha. The rest of us are still learning and it is not fair to apply that to others. We should reflect on ourselves.
In a talk to Master the following day, after expressing myself on the doubts that I had and reasons behind them, I suddenly realised that the so-called troubles were actually some petty issues that had left unresolved when they first surfaced. Those small issues snowballed until they burst recently.
Thank you, Master for guiding me through.
[Great doubt is necessary for practice, it’s the first step toward attaining enlightenment. Without your earlier doubts, you won’t experience your realization today. Can you see it?]
‘执着于行善本身就是恶’.
I had to attend 09.11.2015’s session with the PJ group as I had skipped the earlier session due to my inability to finish my work commitments before the 8-day zen retreat. My promise to myself earlier was I wanted to finish reading and listening to this topic early and to submit my report before the session itself. Again, I failed.
I have this tendency to spot errors or mistakes in my daily personal and working lives. I don’t really know whether it is due to my professional training or by nature.
Spotting irregularities is not a big problem but to shoulder them on IS. As a consequence, I tend to bring a lot of troubles to my mind.
I will have to learn to put them down as soon as possible.
[It is very common that we are so good in spotting our mistake, but not shoulder it. When we reach this stage, harder Zen practice is necessary, to build our strong Center.]
‘真正成就的功德’.
There are simple things in life that are just too easy to ignore.
Do I really feel my life? Do I live the present moment? I don’t think so.
Yes, I eat meals, breath air and so on. I take things for granted. I didn’t live the correct way. Things come and go. I have gone through many bad experiences. Like them or not, I experienced them. Did I really face them head on all the time? Not all the time; sometimes and maybe most of the time, I ignored them. If I ‘feel’ them more, maybe I would be a very different me today.
[Forget the If, and feel this moment; Let go the past, and live the present.]
‘生命是总体的存在’.
This morning, while on my way sending my sons to school, I came to the first cross section of the day. I saw an old man pushing his tricycle slowly up the slight slope towards the junction. Following closely behind was a dog. I wonder whether it was his dog which was tailing him or was it just a stray dog hoping for its better luck this morning (of being fed).
Then, I read today’s chapter together with the text audio in the background for the first time at around 7 o’clock. There, I chanced upon a paragraph with the same scenario like above. Relating it back to the topic of the day “生命是总体的存在”, my mind wandered about for a while ~ soul searching for today’s report.
Looking at the dog this morning reminds me of my dog at my parents’ home. Every time I go back, I will spare time playing with it. Until such a time that my wife reminded me not to spend ‘too much’ time with it. Yes, she was right. Every time I went home those days, I spent more time with my dog than with my parents. I didn’t realised that until she reminded me. I felt so guilty.
I have begun to spare more time with my parents since my wife’s reminder. When I am free, I will drive back home or in some other days, I will arrange my clients’ appointments later in the morning so that I can have breakfast with them whenever I go back to meet my home town clients. I have had more conversations with them these days. Not only that, they are now longer conversations. During those days when we stayed together, even though we see each other every day, we only had brief encounters and short conversations.
Deep inside my heart, I miss many things… my home town, my parents, my dog… everything. We moved out of my home town to rebuild my life. But, have I really dealt with all the circumstances rightfully?
I had attended an emotional control workshop last week at Hoeh Beng Temple. I learned the existence of the ‘Inner Child’. I have heard of this ‘Inner Child’ before but not to the whole context as explained by the teacher of the workshop. I discovered that I have many ‘Inner Child’s in me. These children have brought me many troubles and if I do not handle them properly, I will continue to have more troubles with them in the future.
I also discovered the ‘My, Me, Mine’ is too strong for my own good. I have trouble ‘Letting Go and Moving On’. I still live in the ghost of my past. Knowing all these problems is one thing. To do something to overcome it is another.
I am still searching for the right combination to address these problems. In English, the saying is “May I find light at the end of the tunnel.” but if permits, I would like to find the light of my heart.
[How can we help ourselves? How can we help people around us?
Keep correct situation, correct relationship, and correct function. When you are a son, do the son’s job; when you are a husband, play the husband role; and when you are a father, carry the father’s work.]
‘活在当下’.
How to define ‘当下’? May I translate it into ‘Present Moment’? Is it really that tough to live the present moment? Or is it that easy to just live the present moment? How may we do so?
‘Present Moment’ is different from ‘Now’. ‘Now’ is the bridge between ‘Past’ and ‘Future’. The moment ‘Now’ is uttered, it became ‘Past’. So, ‘Now’ will never be here!!!
Our minds, or to be specific, my mind is always bothered by my ‘Past’ whilst anticipating a better ‘Future’. My ‘Past’ had formed the ‘Present’ me and moulded the line of thinking of my brain. This chapter 5 teaches us to live the ‘Present Moment’. We should learn to enjoy every moment of our life. We should be able to see clearly every moment of it. We should be able to listen clearly every moment of it. Then, our enriched life will not be wasted by just waiting to the clock to tick away.
Easily said than done. To have lost so much that had been gained over the years was really painful. Of course, it was more painful for the innocents to be dragged into such woes. Eventhough so much encouragement was and is still being given to me to let go the past and move on, the guilt that I have inside me made me reluctant to let go entirely. I know that being a student of Buddha, I should learn to let go and repent for my misdeed and evil karmas. But, every now and then, those past events will revisit and remind me.
I know that I need to strengthen my willpower to overcome the strays and come back to ‘Don’t Know Mind’. Like Master said two days ago, we need to return to our Don’t Know Mind and see our own reflections in its pure form. Only with Don’t Know Mind will we be able to do the correct things. I really need to let go those baggage of the past and live the present moment. Not easy…. but need to Just Do It!
[These “baggage” are attachment thinking. When they occur in your mind, quickly CUT OFF THINKING, and back to Don’t Know Mind. Practice hard and one day they will gone. ]
敞开胸怀,面对现实
Saturday, August the fifteenth, 11.45am. I am now sitting at my desk trying to jot down notes for my afternoon session. I was very sleepy just now and took a break to prepare my coffee. I am very relaxed now compared to those tensed days when I (need to) prepare my reports. I had just asked my wife to read out the above 8 characters for me and whilst preparing my coffee, I suddenly thought of something to pen down.
Tomorrow is the 3rd Sunday morning of the month when we usually send our discarded items to the Tzu Chi’s recycling points. We brought out the items that were lying in the yard for the past three months to be brought over to Tzu Chi’s permanent recycling centre at Kepong Baru. Quite a lot of things, but minus the newspaper since we subscribed to the e-paper two months ago. Both my hands and those of my wife’s were full. Upon reaching the 1st floor (where our park is parked), the elevator door opened. Before we can exit the elevator, a man with two primary school goers tried to squeeze into the elevator. I was annoyed with the incident. Not only the kids were not behaving, the man was also the same. I uttered a remark “孩子没有教到”. Of course I didn’t sing it aloud.
To me, the manner of the day is the let people out first from the elevator before any one goes in. At least, that was what I was told.
Here, my brain worked its normal phase again. My wife told me, why can’t we just face the situation as it is. If we couldn’t exit where the elevator door was so small to allow us to exit together with three persons coming in, we should have just said to the kids in a lighter tone “Hi, kids, may you please allow us to exit first? Thank you.”
In that way, at least we are telling the kids the way it is and we, especially me, will bear no grudge on it later on.
It was only a small incident this morning but it reminds me that it does not matter whether the issue is small or big, face it head on with an open mind.
[Face everything with open mind is very good, but it is just half way through. When we keep correct situation, correct relationship and correct function from moment to moment, it completes the second half.]
生命运行的轨则
至道本乎其心，心法本乎无住，无住心体灵知不昧。
Our minds have been clouded or contaminated by many elements of life since the day we were born. We may classify these elements into family background, educational background, cultural diversification, environmental interference, etc. Our so-called pure minds have been blanketed by layers and layers of the above elements for years.
To discover our original minds, we need to remove layer by layer the alternating ‘values’ that have been imposed on us by our families, teachers, past experience and so on. I understand that a pure mind is very alert and sensitive to the environment. It can also guide us in life with an utmost level of wisdom.
To revert to the original mind, what shall we do to achieve that? How to unlearn our past experience and values that had been instilled onto us for years? And how do we monitor our progress so that we know when to buck up in the event of regression?
By asking too many questions above, am I a classic example of what the contaminations had done to me? Am I being attached （执着）?
[We are all being attached to something, and that is why we are turning round and round in this 6 realms. Yet, Buddha attained enlightenment and understand our suffering, then he taught us the way to free from attachment. ]
[You can find the answer of all your questions through Zen Meditation Practice. So, more practice is necessary.]
人生的四个阶段
Recession ~ Depression/Slump ~ Recovery/Expansion ~ Boom/Prosperity.
It was the early 1990’s when I was introduced to the formal lesson of ‘Economic Cycle’. We learned the cycles of a country, region, etc. To relate this cycle to our own lives is really an interesting lesson.
Personally, I have experienced all the 4 stages in my life to-date. Before I listen to Master’s explanation of the 4 stages, I was thinking that I might have walked the ‘Prosperity’ stage （繁荣期） the furthest. There was the period when I enjoyed the ‘fruits of labour’ the most. Rewards came easily during that period of time even though efforts put in did not really commensurate with the rewards. I lost myself and drifted in the ocean of greed and illusion. In fact, after listening to Master’s explanation, I was actually submerged in the ‘Recession’ stage （衰退期）during that period of time. I was actually exhausting my karmic rewards （福报）. These karmic rewards need to be repaid in the future and in fact, I am really in the process of repaying them.
All the stages may not happen in sequence stated above and the time line differs. Some may be shorter and some may be longer. It depends on us. We can not safely say that after the recession, comes the ‘Depression’ stage （萧条期）, followed by the ‘Recovery’ stage （复苏期）. We may drop back to the ‘Recession’ immediately after the ‘Recovery’. And of course, we may shorten the negative stages (Recession and Depression) and lengthen the positive stages with a twist of our mind. But whatever it is, we must learn a thing or two when we are in the negative stages and ‘practise’ not to fall back into them again. I have been ‘reincarnated’ many, many times before and I really need to awaken not to go astray again. My will power failed me many times before...
[Awaken is a clear direction, so just do it! How? Zen Practice is the path. With everyday bowing, sitting and chanting practice, we are able to use our Zen training to attain wisdom and compassion which will lead us away from astray.]
心的本然面
How to think? To think with your mind or to think with your brain? We grew up in an environment where generally brains are used for us to think. We were and are still trained to think with our brains. We utilise our brains to think before we perform or execute certain tasks. But now, we are asked to think not using our brains, but our minds. How will that be?
From young, we use our brains to analyse situations, decipher figures, evaluate conditions before we engage our next step of actions. We were trained whether formally or informally by our parents, elder siblings or relatives, teachers alike to think with our brains before we act. Our brains will compute and assess the data input to the brains for them to perform certain processes to arrive at certain outcomes. Of course, these brains may sometimes be clouded with certain prejudices, past experiences, discriminations and bias.
But, how to think with our minds? Are we referring to our conscious mind or the sub-conscious minds? In this chapter, we are taught to follow Nike’s slogan ~ ‘Just Do It’. Without proper assessment by the brains, will we be doing the right things? You may say that brains distort our rational way of thinking and therefore its subsequent behaviours and responses to situations. To ‘Just Do It’, we need to have certain level of intelligence and sometimes intelligence needs to be gained through knowledge and experience. Again, what kind of knowledge and experience are we counting on? Different people have different kinds of experience. Even the same kind of teaching being taught to different people may provide different kind of insight to the differing persons. So, which yardstick is the right yardstick?
Sometimes we tend to think that some people might be silly in their thinking and therefore, resulting in some silly situations. But, how do we know the actual situation faced by the person at that point of time? What were the resources or information that were available to that person at that point of time?
A friend once told me that if one has to make a decision to the best of his / her ability at that point of time; one should strive to think with mind so as to have no regrets later on. But, regrets or no regrets, is very subjective. One may see it with no regret but another person may see it otherwise. So, in this case, is thinking with the mind the better way of thinking?
In life, sometimes we are faced with alternatives that are both bad. One may be lesser bad than the other. So, shall the lesser of two evils be the better option? Again, are we considered as thinking with the brains here?
It is no easy task to think with mind..
[“Thinking mind or not” is a very common doubt for dharma practitioner. Unfortunately we can’t find out the answer by thinking mind. Only serious practice can lead you to the answer.]
